paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
