he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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