Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just pee around me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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