I CAN MOONWALK!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
