Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
