Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
