so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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