i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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