Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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