Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
