His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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