God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
