you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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