I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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