it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
