thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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