i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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