So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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