If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
