i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
