I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
