So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
