I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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