it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
