i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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