You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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