worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
