someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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