I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
