Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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