you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
