we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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