I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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