The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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