i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
