I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
