went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
