dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
