The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They took my balls.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
