We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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