He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
