R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
