hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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