Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
