So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
