The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
