OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
