Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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