someone get that fucking seahorse.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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