is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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