he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
