it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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