Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize