I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
