I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
