so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
