I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize