The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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