ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
