Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
