if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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