she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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