So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
