He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
