I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
