put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
