how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
