It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
