I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
